AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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