Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
