hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
