i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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