When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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