I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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