I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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