I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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