someone threw a dead crab at me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
