Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
