Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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