Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
