your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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