today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
