my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
