The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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