Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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