I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
