She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
