my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
