I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
