the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
