Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
