drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
