I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize