There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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