you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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