My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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