the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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