Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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