i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
