You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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