So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
