Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am one with the molecules
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
