when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't deserve a penis
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
