I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
