i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
