My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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