I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need a burrito and a hug.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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