im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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