omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
