I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize