The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even my farts smell like vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
