I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize