HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
