Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
