please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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