My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
