would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
