but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My cat gives me a boner
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
