No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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