your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
