I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
