I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
