I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
