Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
