its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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