my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
