Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
