Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
