He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
