Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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