I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
