She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
