I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
