i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
