I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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