He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
